Self-Leadership Part 1: Do You Know Your Inner ‘Operating System’?

This article first appeared on the Forbes Coaches Council website here.

This post builds on previous Reinvention Mandate posts here and here.

As part of our ongoing development as coaches, my business partner, Jenny, and I recently participated in Coaching for Self Leadership by the IFS Institute. This was our first introduction to the Internal Family Systems model and we were both struck by the depth, simplicity and compassion of the IFS approach.

The course got me thinking not only about the application to my client work, but also about the interplay between the IFS model and what my colleagues and I are learning from our Reinvention Mandate research. I was curious to learn more about how the IFS model might inform our thinking about the process of human reinvention and reached out to the course instructors, Brian Jaudon and Guthrie Sayen, to ask them several questions related to reinvention. They graciously agreed.

I was particularly interested in how IFS might help us understand the challenges of human reinvention and navigate the messy and unpredictable nature of it. This article is Part I of a two-part series. Part I will describe the IFS model and its application to coaching, while Part II will delve more specifically into how IFS can help us understand and navigate the process of reinvention.

What is IFS and how does it apply to coaching?

The Internal Family Systems model was founded by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D., a therapist and an academic. He developed the model in response to clients describing the various parts of themselves. You may have recognized parts in yourself over the years. For example, one that I am recognizing right now as I write this is a part that wants to describe this model perfectly. IFS helps us identify parts of ourselves, to see and understand them in relation to other parts and underscores how we comprise a multiplicity of parts.

The foundation of the IFS approach welcomes the client’s entire system; it makes our subconscious "operating system" conscious and explicit. IFS is non-pathologizing—there are no bad parts, just parts that can take on extreme beliefs and behaviors. The role of the coach is to help the client see and befriend all the parts in relation to whatever goal or intention is important to them. By helping a client make their "operating system" explicit, the coach is then able to help the client "unblend" from those parts.

Once done (in my case, “I must be perfect” becomes “There is part of me saying I must be perfect.”), the client gains greater access to what Schwartz refers to as the Self. The Self is calm, creative, curious and compassionate. Once the client has access to the creative and confident Self, they are more able to make active choices as opposed to "pre-programmed" choices; choices that are fully aligned with who they are as opposed to who they think they should be. Fully aligning our internal operating system in service of the life that we would like to design, build and live is transformative.

Let’s try it now and get to know your personal operating system via a parts mapping exercise.

On a blank piece of paper, write a goal or intention you have—one that would make a significant difference in your life. Write that goal or intention in the middle of the paper and then note the various parts or voices that come up for you as you focus on that goal or intention. What parts do you see?

This is a critical first step in making your "operating system" explicit. Another way I like to think about "parts" work is as a board of directors. How aligned is your internal "board of directors" in strategizing your way forward in life? Is it aligned with your personal north star? Your hopes and dreams? Or are there naysayers, perhaps even backstabbers, who appear to be actively working against you and the vision you have set for yourself?

An effective board chair knows how to lead a board of independent, high performers toward a unified vision. She knows that it is important to recognize ALL voices, to truly listen and let everyone be heard. Tap into the individual wisdom of each member so that the collective wisdom is greater than its individual parts—and so that one or two negative voices do not have an outsized influence on direction and progress. Remember, you are the Chair of the Board of your life’s direction and it is your job to lead. To lead yourself.

In Part II, I will share Brian and Guthrie’s insights into how IFS helps us understand the process of reinvention. In the meantime, I encourage you to try the parts exercise noted above and get to know your personal board of directors.